When I think about what it means to “Cultivate our Garden,” I’m reminded of our McMillan students who have recently started at their new colleges. While the excitement of no longer living under their parents’ or dorm master’s roof is palpable, the transition to college can be marked by a mix of emotions. Students beginning their college careers are often living away from home for the first time, separated from familiar family and friends, embracing newfound independence, while also navigating increased responsibility for their daily well-being.
In high school, students are typically encouraged to have a balanced “buffet platter” of academics, perhaps a sport each season, extracurricular clubs, and regular social interactions. The day typically starts and ends at the same time Monday – Friday, meals are prepared for them, and they’re seeing the same collective of people throughout the day – parents or dorm-parents, teachers, classmates, teammates, and roommates. Within the structured and safe environment of secondary school, many students have somewhat figured out their adolescent identity.
Enter college – how freeing it is to have the option of trying on a new mask and have a fresh environment and audience to explore! My Intro to Psychology class isn’t until 11 am– yes!…. but what do I do with all of this extra morning time by myself?
I recall when I started college in New Orleans, I joined a hip-hop club because, much to my father’s horror, I was impassioned by T.I.’s “Whatever You Like” at the time. While I did enjoy the inspiring melodies of Lil’ Wayne, T.I., 50 Cent, and the like, the hip hop club was not the most productive or meaningful use of my time. I had yet to discover the strength and joy I’d find in regular exercise, the peace of mind from reading at night instead of binging shows, and the fulfillment of forging authentic friendships.
Fast forward three years to graduate school, I had my recipe for life somewhat figured out. Just as we cultivate healthy soil in the garden, I found some essential ingredients for my life: daily movement, nurturing my body, and challenging myself to live according to my values. I felt content with myself, and like a proud gardener surrounded by vibrant blooms, I was meeting people who shared similar values with me, forging rich, meaningful lifelong friendships.
In this day and age, connection to community is dwindling, however, let us not forget the value of authentic relationships. One of the longest running studies on adult happiness, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, found that close relationships, rather than wealth or status are the key to lasting happiness throughout life. This study followed a cohort of 268 Harvard undergraduate men for 80 years starting during the Great Depression. The study eventually added women and participants from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. In addition to being more content with their lives in general, people with stronger social connections showed lower rates of chronic health conditions and cognitive decline. All of this to say, while we’re honing in on our passions, intentionally connecting with others is important as well.
For our students starting college, I hope they have the courage, wisdom, and self-compassion to intentionally consider how they want to cultivate their gardens. What are the meaningful ways they want to spend their time? With whom do they want to form significant friendships? How will they help themselves feel like they matter? Some practical suggestions that come to mind for cultivating a flourishing garden:
- Clubs: Re-engage with your high school hobbies or try something totally new –
- College sponsored events: Like water skiing, or overnight camping trips, or shuttling students to ski areas.
- Living and learning communities: Live in a house of all Spanish majors or women in science
- Intramural sports: Don’t miss out on movement and being a part of a small group of people you bond with each week.
- Greek life: You may not see yourself as a sorority or fraternity person, but you may be surprised. It’s nice to have a checkpoint with a group of people each week, some planned social and philanthropic activities, and great alumni networks.. There’s also pre-professional Greek life at some colleges.
- Work! It’s good for you, and you’ll perhaps meet some new people.
- Volunteer
College represents a pivotal period of self-discovery as young adults prepare to launch into the world and eventually set roots. I think of myself during the college years as a delicate seedling needing continual nurturance and pruning; and I hope our students tend to themselves as delicate seedlings, too. My colleague, Peter, captures this sentiment eloquently: “I’m constantly reminded how important it is to slow down, to help [students] remember that they are the goal: their own growth, their own fulfillment, their own development of an abiding character, and their impact on others.”
Cultivating one’s garden in college is about intentional growth and self-actualization. Just as a gardener carefully selects which plants to nurture, I encourage our students to wisely choose how they wish to allocate their energy. Seek out activities that align with your values and try new ones, foster meaningful connections, and tend to your personal growth and your community.
